20 Years
by Jade II
Summary: The story of Tony's 20 years in prison, with no deals, no pardons, no prison breaks or other miraculous escapes, as told soley through the visits he has from Michelle and others. Complete! And (happily, really) now AU.
1. Two Days

**Two Days**

She was even more beautiful than he remembered, Tony thought as he sat down on the other side of the glass screen from Michelle.

They smiled at each other hesitantly, unsure of what to say after months spent apart.

Michelle had not been allowed to visit him before the trial, while his fate was still undetermined. Now that he had been sentenced to twenty years in prison they could finally see each other again, if only for an hour a month.

Tony picked up the phone and Michelle did the same.

"Hi," she said quietly.

Tony noticed that there were dark bags under her eyes, and her eyelashes were damp as if she had just wiped tears from them. His heart leapt into his throat as he tried to remain calm.

"Hey, Michelle... how are you?"

"I'm okay." She nodded. "What about you?"

She was trying not to cry, he could tell.

"I'm alright. The food's not bad and I get to use the gym every day... the dress code could use some work, though."

She smiled at his lame attempt at humor and they contemplated each other in silence for a moment.

"Listen, Michelle--" he began.

"Tony, I--" she started simultaneously.

"You first," Tony said quickly. He didn't really want to have to say what he had forced himself to decide that he must; that they should get divorced, that twenty years was a long time and that he shouldn't expect her to wait for him that long. That she deserved someone who could be there for her and who she didn't have to make appointments to see.

Michelle nodded again and looked down. "Tony..." she said, slowly bringing her eyes back up to meet his. "I'm pregnant."

_Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God..._

"What?" he said, finding himself unable to process this information quickly enough to form a more elaborate response.

"I'm pregnant," Michelle repeated, still holding his gaze. "You're going to be a father."

Tony felt his breath catch in his throat. "Oh my God, Michelle, that's--"

He stopped talking suddenly. He had been going to say "great", but was it really? Michelle was going to have to raise a child on her own, be a single mom to all intents and purposes, he wouldn't even be there for the birth...

"...Great," he finished anyway, more subdued.

"The doctor says I'm four months along and that everything's fine. I'll send you an ultrasound picture with my next letter. I would've told you sooner but I wanted to do it in person..." Michelle babbled.

"Uh-huh... four months?" Four months didn't make sense... he had been in custody for four months.

"Just over. It think it must've been the morning before y--" She shook her head suddenly, cutting herself off. "The morning before the virus."

_The morning before you were arrested,_ he knew she had been going to say.

Tony nodded, and swallowed when he remembered that morning. How they had almost been late for work because they had decided to spend a little more time in bed that morning, and how they had had to eat breakfast in the car. How he had wiped the crumbs from the corner of Michelle's mouth before they entered the building.

"And I quit my job at CTU yesterday."

"What?! Why?"

"Tony, I can't work there anymore. Not after what they did to you."

"_I_ did this to me, Michelle. I'm the one who broke the law. They were just doing their jobs."

Michelle shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I can't do it, not without you."

"You can't be unemployed with a baby on the way!"

"I'll find something else, and we've got enough savings to last until I do. I'll use the money we were saving for the house."

"You cannot seriously be thinking about raising a child in our apartment."

"Well, why not? The Jamesons across the hall have kids."

"The Jamesons probably don't have the _option_ of buying a house!"

Michelle sighed. "Look, Tony, I've quit, it's done. I'm not changing my mind."

Tony took a deep breath to calm himself. He was not going to win this argument. He nodded slowly. "Okay. Just... give it some more thought, all right?"

"Okay." She returned his nod and shifted in her seat. She opened her mouth and closed it again, casting around for something to say. Then a small smile appeared on her mouth. "Do you wanna see my bump?"

Tony couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, of course I do."

Michelle stood up and turned so that he could see her slightly swollen stomach. She looked at him, giggling at the expression on his face.

"So..." she said, running her hand over her belly. "What do you think of the name Clarissa?"


	2. One Month

**One Month**

"Michelle, just try to look at this objectively, all right? You're pregnant, you have no job and no family you can really rely on for support. I'm gonna be stuck in here for a very long time and I don't want you to feel obligated to have anything to do with me. If we get divorced, you can find someone else to support you, someone to be a real father to our child. I'm no use to you stuck in here."

"Tony, there's no call for objectivity where matters like this are concerned! _I love you,_ and _you_ are the father of my child, not anybody else. I am not going to divorce you, and even if I did... I have no chance in hell of ever finding anyone half as good as you."

"Look, you may feel that way now, but--"

"But if ever I don't, I'll be sure to tell you. Can we stop arguing about this now, please?"

Tony sighed and slowly shook his head. "Fine."

"Good. Now, what exactly is wrong with the name Charles?"

They had been exchanging letters on the subject of possible baby names. It was a little early in the pregnancy for this, admittedly, but it had given them something to focus on when otherwise they would have both been tiptoeing around the subject of Tony's imprisonment and trying to pretend that everything was normal, even though it so clearly wasn't.

"Come on, _Charles_? British nobility? And it just sounds... blah. Charles. It's not a strong name."

"And Hugh is?"

"That's different. Hugh is a family name."

"Fine, but Hugh is _not_ a name I want to burden our child with. It's out of the running... along with Charles, by the looks of things."

"All right, but you're gonna have to give me a minute to come up with something else."

"You can have your minute while we talk about girls' names." Michelle looked down at her stomach. "What about... Olivia?"

"No, that just makes me think of John Travolta with bad hair."

"Elizabeth?"

"More British nobility."

"Leah?"

"The hair thing again. What about Abigail?"

"Abigail Almeida?"

"...Okay, I hadn't thought of that."

Michelle smiled. "All right, this is my last one... Zoe."

"Zoe Almeida."

"It doesn't sound too bad, does it?"

"No, it doesn't... but if this ends up being _the_ girls' name, I get to choose the middle name."

"As long as it's not something like 'Hugh'... deal."

They grinned at each other through the glass.


	3. Five Months

Chapter Three:** Five Months**

"Jack? What are you doing here? Where's Michelle?" Tony had picked up the phone before he even sat down.

He hadn't seen Jack in almost a year. Hell, he hadn't seen anyone from his old life apart from Michelle and his lawyer since he'd been taken into custody. And if Jack was here, that must mean that Michelle couldn't or didn't want to come, and Tony was afraid to speculate as to why that might be…

Jack was smiling mysteriously. Ignoring Tony's frustration, he slowly reached into his pocket, pulled something out and held it up against the glass.

It was a polaroid photograph of Michelle, grinning, sitting up in bed... with a tiny baby in her arms.

"Zoe Rose Almeida, born yesterday, 11:17pm, eight pounds two ounces." Jack's smile widened. "Congratulations, Tony."

Tony let out a small laugh of disbelief. Speechlessly he stared at the picture, reaching out to touch the glass that separated it from him.

He had a daughter.

Seeing that Tony wasn't quite ready to speak yet, Jack continued, "They're both doing fine. Michelle says she'll send you a letter with more photographs, and I'll leave this one with the warden so you can have it right away."

"Uh-huh," said Tony, still staring intently at the image of his wife and newborn child.

Jack regarded his old co-worker in silence for a moment, leaving Tony to gaze at the photograph in awe before he shook his head and apologized to Jack for his lack of attention.

Jack shrugged it off. "I remember when Kim was born. I felt like I could just look at her for hours... I still do, sometimes."

Tony nodded and contemplated him for a moment. "Thanks, Jack."

"No problem. Listen, Tony, I gotta run... it was great seeing you."

"Yeah," said Tony, slightly disconcerted by this abrupt change of pace. "You too."

Jack paused, nodded briefly and turned to go, taking the photograph with him.

Tony thought about Michelle and their daughter and suddenly found himself trying very hard not to cry.


	4. Six Months

Chapter Four: **Six Months**

He had gotten a letter with more photographs and more baby stats and the always implied but never expressed message that _he should have been there_. He had read it at least twice a day for the last month, feeling both euphoric and heart-wrenchingly guilty. He was feeling the same way now, as he made his way towards the large pane of glass he could already see Michelle on the other side of. Michelle whom he hadn't seen in two months. Michelle the mom.

She met his eyes as soon as she saw him, and he could tell by her expression that she was wondering whether to smile or not. He solved this dilemma for her by grinning widely as he sat down, a grin that she returned with relief.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey." He smiled and wished he could take her hand and squeeze it. "How are you?"

"I'm... good." She hesitated. "I've never left Zoe with someone else before, so..."

"Who did you leave her with?"

"Your sister," she replied, seemingly anxious to reassure both him and herself. "She says Joanna is thrilled to have yet another new cousin to play with."

Tony chuckled, and Michelle smiled.

"But I guess I'll have to get used to leaving her. I have a new job."

"Michelle, that's great! Where? Doing what?"

"It's a desk job at a computer company. Nothing too exciting."

"That's good," Tony said sincerely.

"Yeah." She nodded.

There was a slightly awkward silence while they both tried to think of something else to say about work without bringing up CTU before Tony decided to drop the subject altogether.

"So," he said, leaning forward eagerly. "Tell me about our daughter."

A large smile spread over Michelle's face. "Well... she wakes me up at all hours of the night, for whatever reason she can think of. She has your mouth and my hair and she likes it when you hold her above your head and make funny noises at her. She drools like there's no tomorrow and throws up on my favorite clothes on a regular basis... Tony, she's just perfect."

Tony nodded and smiled. "I never expected any different."

Michelle smiled too, but Tony could see tears welling up in her eyes. "Tony," she said, her voice breaking, "It's not fair, you should be there with us! You don't deserve to just--"

"Hey..." Tony said softly, cutting her off. "Michelle, please don't cry... I know it hurts, but it'll get better, I promise you it will."

She shook her head. "How can it possibly get better when you're stuck in here? I _need_ you, Tony, I don't think I can do this without you..."

"Sweetheart, listen to me." Tony leaned forward, mentally cursing the glass barrier that kept him from taking her in his arms. "You can do it. You're strong, Michelle... you're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're stronger than I could ever hope to be. Not only can you do it, but you can do it better than anyone else. Trust me on this."

"Tony..." she said, and he hurt to hear the pain in her voice.

"Trust me," he repeated.

She opened her mouth to protest, but he looked into her eyes and she paused. Finally she nodded.

"Okay?" Tony asked, wanting some verbal confirmation from her.

"Okay." She nodded again, more distinctly, and sniffed.

"Good," he said, and prayed that she really could cope.


	5. One Year

Chapter Five: **1 Year**

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. How was it?"

Michelle smiled and nodded. "Not bad. Yours?"

"Yeah, it was great. We got to watch a movie and sing carols."

"Sounds like fun."

"Yeah, kinda. Tell me more about yours."

"Well, Danny came over on Christmas Eve and he gave Zoe a toy parrot that squawks when you squeeze it, which she loves but I am sick to death of already... Your mom invited us to spend Christmas Day with them, which was good. The food was really, really good, of course, and everyone doted on Zoe, so she was really spoiled all day. Your mom said that as soon as she was old enough she would teach her to cook. Can't wait for that!"

They laughed.

"Hey," said Tony, "You remember our first Christmas together?"

"Um, yeah. We had to work until ten at night and then we went back to my place and you passed out on the couch."

"Yeah, but after that."

"Ah, you mean our first day _after_ Christmas together." Michelle smiled wistfully. "You brought me breakfast in bed. We exchanged gifts; you bought me a ridiculously expensive pair of earring and I bought you something really boring like a tie... We _eventually_ got dressed and went for a walk, then we went to your parents' house to enjoy whatever food they had left over from the day before... and then we went back to your apartment, made love an impossible number of times and fell asleep."

Tony nodded and grinned. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

They looked at each other and smiled. Tony realized that memories were all he would have of days like those for a very long time, and tried to stop the sadness he felt at that from showing on his face.

He found this more difficult than he had anticipated, and the smile on Michelle's face was also waning, so he decided to change the subject.

"Michelle, I wanna see her."

There, he had done it. Finally made the request he had wanted to make on every visit since his daughter had been born.

"Who?" Michelle asked, confused.

"Zoe. I want to see her, just once, just for a few minutes..." He was saying everything he could possibly think of to make her agree.

"Tony, I don't know if that's..."

"Please, Michelle. It's not against the rules, I've checked. I just... I don't want her to be just a photograph for me."

Michelle was still hesitant. Tony caught her eyes and looked into them pleadingly.

"Okay," Michelle said quietly. "I'll bring her... I'll bring her next month."

"Thank you," he whispered.


	6. One Year, One Month

Chapter Six: **One Year, 1 month**

"Zoe, this is your daddy," said Michelle, valiantly attempting to hold Zoe with one hand while putting the phone against their daughter's ear with the other.

Zoe flinched away from the cold plastic phone at first, but listened curiously when she heard Tony's voice coming from it.

"Hello, sweetheart," said Tony, grinning from ear to ear as his daughter gazed up at him.

"Ga!" said Zoe, returning the grin and banging on the glass barrier between them.

Tony glanced at Michelle to see that she too was smiling. He gestured for her to take the phone back from Zoe, who objected loudly at first but soon quieted when Tony began to make faces at her.

Michelle laughed.

"Michelle, thank you so much for doing this," Tony said, the sincerity in his voice slightly undercut by the funny expressions he was pulling.

She nodded, acknowledging his gratitude. "You deserve to see her."

"Thank you," Tony said again, ending his face-pulling so that he could look at his wife. "She's beautiful," he said, glancing again at their daughter.

"Yeah." Michelle smiled and kissed the top of Zoe's head. Tony felt a pang of jealousy that Michelle could touch her and he could not. He suppressed it as soon as it surfaced, but he could tell by the way Michelle was looking at him that she knew what he was thinking.

And then he didn't just want to touch Zoe, he wanted to touch Michelle, he wanted to touch her so badly... it had been almost a year and a half since he had last felt her lips against his, felt the softness of her skin as he brushed his fingers against it, and it would be nineteen years until he got to feel those things again if he got to feel them at all...

Michelle could still tell what he was thinking, he knew. She was probably thinking the same thing; there were tears in her eyes and he forced himself to shrug it off and think about something else because he couldn't bear to see her cry yet again, not on what was supposed to be a happy occasion...

"So, uh, how's Danny?" he asked abruptly.

Michelle blinked and opened her mouth, searching for words. She looked away for a moment and looked back again, new determination in her eyes. "He's okay. He had the kids over for New Year's."

Tony nodded, as if he was really interested, as if he really cared...

Zoe began to fuss and Michelle bounced her up and down, murmuring nonsense words to her, as Tony sat there helplessly, watching them.

Zoe's quiet protestation grew into full-blown howling. Michelle looked at Tony apologetically. "I think I'm gonna have to take her home."

He nodded again -- what else could he do? "Yeah, alright."

"I'll bring her again when she's older," she promised.

More nodding. He understood, but he had just met his daughter for the first time, and now she was going to go away and get older and he would just be waiting, him with his routine so ingrained into his system by now that he might as well be repeating the same day over and over again, while outside things and people changed and grew without him.

"Yeah," he said again.

His casual attitude hadn't fooled her, of course -- he would've known that even if she hadn't looked at him with that melancholy expression again before she too nodded. But somehow things were easier to ignore if they were left unsaid. If he didn't have to see her heart breaking for him the way it had already done so many times, before she picked up the pieces and somehow put it back together for a while.

"I'll see you next month," she said.

"Uh-huh. Take care of her for me."

"I will." Her turn to nod. "I love you."

She got up and left before he had a chance to reply.


	7. One Year, Two Months

Chapter Seven: **One Year, Two Months**

"Listen, Michelle... I really think we should get a divorce."

Michelle's eyes widened. "What?"

"We should get divorced. You shouldn't be tied to me, you should be free to go out and find someone better... someone who could be a proper father to Zoe."

"There _is _no one better, Tony," Michelle said stubbornly. "And Zoe already has a father."

"It's not the same, Michelle. And you... There is nothing you need that I could possibly give you."

"I need _you_, Tony, even if it is just once a month with a half foot of glass between us. I don't need -- or _want_ -- anyone else."

"For now, maybe, but--"

"_Ever_, Tony. We've already had this discussion."

Tony averted his eyes and sighed. He knew that Michelle believed what she was saying, but he also knew that it was extremely likely that, at some point or another, she would change her mind. Twenty years was a long time, as he had forced himself to accept.

"Alright," he said. "But if you ever change your mind... I'll understand."

"I won't change my mind," she answered vehemently.

He looked at her and nodded. "Okay."

She returned his nod and their conversation went back to more trivial things.


	8. Three Years, Three Months

Chapter Eight: **Three Years, Three Months**

"Tony... there's something I need to tell you."

Tony sat up straight, his attention caught by the reluctant expression on Michelle's face. "What? What is it?"

She looked down and picked at her fingernails. "At work, there's this... this guy. Matt. The other day he asked me out to dinner." She paused and made herself look at him. "I said yes."

Tony inclined his head. He had been expecting something like this for a long time now, but he still felt the muscles in his stomach tense as he looked into her eyes. "Alright."

Michelle opened and closed her mouth as she averted her eyes, looking up at the ceiling, at the guard in the corner, anywhere but at Tony. "Tony, I--"

"The divorce papers are all ready to be filed," he interrupted her.

She shook her head rapidly. "No! It's not-- I don't want..." She sighed and bowed her head. "Not yet," she admitted.

They regarded each other silently for a moment, neither really wanting to admit to the other or themselves what that _not yet _implied.

"Alright," said Tony finally.

Michelle exhaled sharply. "Thank you."

They managed a smile.


	9. Three Years, Four Months

Chapter Nine: **Three Years, Four Months**

_I'm not going to ask about the guy._

Tony walked over to the window where Michelle was waiting.

_I'm not going to ask._

He sat down and propped his elbows up on the counter in front of him.

_Not going to ask._

He picked up the phone.

_Not asking..._

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she said.

"So, how've you been?"

"Not too bad. You?"

"I've been alright. How was your date?"

Okay, so maybe he was going to ask.

Michelle hesitated. "Tony... I'm not really comfortable talking about this."

Then again, maybe not.

"Alright. I understand."

She looked at him apologetically and nodded.

"How's Zoe?"

"She's good. She's added the word "fantastic" to her vocabulary... I don't know where she picked it up, but it's her new favorite thing to say."

_I've never heard my daughter speak._

"Heh. Well, that's a good word to know."

"Yeah."

_Shouldn't have asked…_


	10. Three Years, Five Months

Chapter Ten:** Three Years, Five Months**

"Danny gave Zoe a tricycle, so all she ever wants to do right now is ride up and down the hallway until it makes you dizzy to watch her… but somehow she never actually gets dizzy herself. She likes to load as many of her dolls as possible onto her lap, and then she cries when they fall down and she runs over them. And then two minutes later she picks them back up, and off she goes again. She has so much energy, it's unbelieveable…"

Tony laughed. "Sounds like she's quite a handful."

"Yeah." Michelle smiled. "But she's the cutest handful ever, so that kinda makes up for it."

"I know, I got that picture you sent me… she's getting really big."

The picture that had been accompanied by a letter that was all about Zoe, with not one mention of Michelle herself apart from where she had signed her name at the end…

"She is."

Because suddenly Michelle didn't want to talk about herself with Tony anymore… not since she had started dating that guy. So they had carefully skirted around the subject of her wellbeing for the past half hour, instead talking about anything and everything else…

They looked at each other now, the silence between them slowly growing longer and more uncomfortable as each became more and more unsure about what to say next.

Tony wondered if they'd slept together. They probably had, they'd been dating for two months now, after all…

Another man, sleeping with his wife, with his Michelle… the sinking feeling in his stomach wanted to express itself on his face, but he couldn't let it, he mustn't…

"I broke up with Matt."

"Huh?" was all Tony could say, snapping out of his reverie.

"We went out to dinner a few times, saw a movie… but it was all wrong. He wasn't you, and I just couldn't take that."

"Oh, Michelle…"

What exactly was he supposed to say in this situation? _Sorry it didn't work out_ or _relieved to hear it_?

"You don't have to say anything, Tony. I just wanted you to know."

She looked at him then, straight in the eye; the first time she'd done that in two months.

He looked back. Nodded. Smiled. "Thanks."

A small but very real smile appeared on her lips in return.


	11. Five Years, Eleven Months

Chapter Eleven: **Five Years, Eleven Months**

Michelle was grinning. Honest to God, couldn't-help-it-if-she-tried grinning, so much that Tony couldn't letting out a small laugh as he sat down and picked up the phone.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Guess who I brought to see you." The glee was evident in her voice.

Tony looked around, puzzled; there was nobody else there whom he recognized. "The invisible man?" he asked bewilderedly.

Michelle shook her head, and suddenly two small pink-mitten-encased hands appeared beside her, followed closely by a head of curly black hair and a face that Tony only really knew from photographs…

"Boo!" said Zoe, with a grin identical to her mother's.

A third matching grin couldn't have been prevented from appearing on Tony's face if someone had punched him in it; he laughed delightedly.

"Hi Daddy," said Zoe loudly, waving shyly as Michelle put the phone to her ear.

"Hey Zoe, sweetheart…" Tony shook his head. He was at a complete loss for words.

Michelle said something to Zoe that Tony couldn't hear without the phone, which Zoe was now clutching firmly in her bemittened hand. However, whatever it was that she said helped the conversation along, because Zoe turned to him and said, in a rather serious tone, "Did you get my picture?"

"The one with the cat and all the flowers?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah, I did. Thank you, it's a great picture. You're a very good artist."

This made Zoe grin again. "Did you put it on your wall'?"

_No, because I don't want anything to happen to it, because every piece of evidence that she actually exists is precious…_

"Yeah. Right above my bed."

"Good." Zoe looked up at Michelle. "I think it's Mommy's turn to talk."

"Okay."

"So," said Michelle, taking the phone back and pulling Zoe onto her lap, "How are you, Tony?"

_The same as always, feeling like a caged animal, no one to have more than a casual conversation with, trying to hide what I'm going through so you won't worry…_

He shrugged. "I'm alright. You doing anything special over the holidays?"

_Except of course I can't fool you, but you try to fool yourself because you know there's nothing you can do about it…_

"No, not really. We're spending some time with Danny, probably be at your parents' on Christmas Day. Did you know Julie's pregnant again?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah… I got a letter."

"I'm gonna get another cousin!" Zoe piped up, reaching up to share the phone with Michelle.

"You're excited, huh?"

"Uh-huh! 'Specially 'cause mommy says I can't have a baby sister."

Tony saw a look of deep regret flash over Michelle's features before she composed herself again. He fought to keep the sting he too felt at Zoe's words from reaching his face.

Their daughter was oblivious to this, and smiled at him happily.


	12. Seven Years, Two Months

Chapter Twelve: **Seven Years, Two Months**

"Daddy, _why_ are you in prison?"

Michelle took the phone from Zoe and looked at Tony apologetically. "I… kinda told her that she should ask you and not me."

"Gee, thanks Michelle," Tony said, careful to keep his expression neutral so his daughter wouldn't notice his sarcasm. "'Cause I really wanted that task."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just really think it would be better if it came from you."

Tony sighed and looked at Zoe, who was staring up at him with wide-eyed innocence. "Yeah," he said to Michelle eventually, shaking his head. "I guess you're probably right."

Michelle opened and closed her mouth a few times, seemingly unable to break eye contact with him. Finally she settled on a quiet "Thank you," and gave the phone back to Zoe.

Tony chewed his lip. How was he supposed to explain the circumstances surrounding his arrest to a six-year-old?

"So, you want to know why I'm in prison?" he asked, stalling.

Zoe nodded silently, seemingly having sensed that this was a touchy subject.

"Well…" Tony glanced at Michelle. "I had to do some bad things so that your mommy wouldn't get hurt."

"What bad things? Did you kill somebody?"

"No, sweetheart, I didn't kill anybody. I helped a very bad man escape from the cops."

Zoe blinked. She was probably confused as to why that was something bad enough to have to go to prison for. "Did _he_ kill somebody?"

"Yeah." Again he looked at Michelle, who had averted her eyes and was biting her lip. "Yeah, he killed a lot of people. But he would have killed your mommy if I hadn't helped him, so… I did."

Zoe was staring at him again, completely captivated. "I'm glad you did," she said sincerely.

Tony smiled. "Yeah, me too. You can tell her that, if she gets sad because I'm in prison."

"Okay." She nodded.

And he _was_ glad, really. Despite everything else, despite his imprisonment, he was still glad, of course he was.

He returned the nod, smiling gently


	13. Nine Years, Four Months

Chapter Thirteen: **Nine Years, Four Months**

"Hey, happy birthday!"

Michelle smiled. "Thanks."

"Did you get my card? I made it myself."

"Yeah, I noticed. Thank you."

Zoe tugged at her mother's sleeve and Michelle looked down at her, admonishing her lightly for her impatience before handing the phone.

Zoe clutched it to her ear excitedly. "I made Mommy a birthday cake!" she told Tony.

"Really? That's… quite impressive."

"Well, Grandma helped. A little."

Tony laughed. "I see. What kind of cake was it?"

"Chocolate. Mommy likes chocolate."

"Yeah, she does, doesn't she?" Memories involving Michelle and chocolate had suddenly surfaced in Tony's mind: Michelle scraping every last bit of chocolate mousse off the bottom of her bowl; the look of delight in her eyes whenever he gave her a box of truffles and how he was the one who got to feed them to her; the time she had had a chocolate bar in her briefcase and it had melted all over the important documents she was supposed to give to Chappelle…

Tony snapped out of his reverie to find that Michelle was holding the phone again and was looking at him apologetically.

"I keep telling your parents and brother and sister to come visit you, but they always say they would rather Zoe and I got to see you as much as possible. I suggested that one of them could bring Zoe, but…" She grimaced. "Sorry."

Tony shook his head. "That's alright. They write to me all the time, so it's not like I have no contact with them."

Even though he did miss the rest of his family, Tony found that he was glad that Michelle and Zoe were the ones he saw once a month. The thought of their next visit was what kept him going, more often than not -- he wasn't completely sure that a visit from anyone else would have the same effect.

Michelle let out a breath. "Good."

She handed the phone back to Zoe.


	14. Ten Years

Chapter Fourteen: **Ten Years**

Michelle was alone, Tony noticed as he picked up the phone.

"Hi," she said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. Where's Zoe?"

"She… I didn't want her to come."

"Why not? Tony asked, confused. "Is she sick?"

"No! No," she assured him, "nothing like that. She's fine."

"Then why…?" asked Tony, a growing sense of unease beginning to manifest itself inside him.

"I have to talk to you, and I didn't want her to be here and get upset."

Tony felt his chest tighten. "Talk about what?"

"Tony…" Michelle looked away, swallowing. "I can't visit you anymore."

"Why? Are the guards giving you trouble about coming in with Zoe?" he asked, although he already knew that wasn't the case.

Michelle averted her eyes again. "I can't see you anymore because…" She looked up at him and he saw tears beginning to form. "Because I have to move on with my life, and I can't do that if I see you every month and get dragged right back down into all those memories."

"Is this because of a guy?" Tony asked suspiciously.

"Only inasmuch as it's about you, Tony."

"You haven't met somebody else?"

"No, and that's part of the reason why I have to do this. I can't be happy with anybody else if I keep coming back here and reminding myself of everything we had and lost. I… I'm gonna need those divorce papers."

"Dammit, Michelle!" Tony slammed his fist down in front of him, making her jump and the guards begin to eye him warily. It took all his self-control to prevent himself from doing something more violent. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "Why now?" he complained in a low but still rather fierce voice. "It's been ten years. I've served half my damned sentence and I was just beginning to hope that you were telling the truth when you said that you didn't want anybody else, that there might actually be something for me to go back to when I finally get out… why couldn't you have just accepted the divorce when I offered it to you in the first place?!"

The tears were streaming down Michelle's face by now. "I'm sorry, Tony, I really am! I was so naïve to think that I could wait for you for twenty years, and I feel so guilty that I can't… but if I don't do this, I'm not going to survive the next ten years, and I have to, Tony, I have to for Zoe. It's hard enough on her as it is, without her mother going crazy. Tony, you have no idea what kind of hell I've been through since they took you away. I can't do it anymore."

"And you think life in here isn't hell? You can just walk away, Michelle, but I will be _stuck_ in here until I am old and grey and have nothing left that matters."

"You'll have Zoe. I'll make sure you always have her, Tony, I'll bring her to see you next month… I just won't be coming in with her."

"Michelle…"

"I don't think I ever thanked you," Michelle cut him off. "For saving me. For giving Saunders what he wanted, for sacrificing everything for me. I know at the time I tried to tell you not to do it… but I really am grateful. It meant so much, it still does." She stared him in the eyes. "Thank you."

And she got up and left, leaving Tony with tears sliding silently down his face as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he might never see her again.

**Author's Note:** It's really a moot issue considering what Michelle's just said, but several people have raised the issue of conjugal visits, so I thought I would comment:

Yes, I know that such things exist (not quite sure where I know this from, though…). The thing is that according to my research (which may or may not be correct, since the internet was pretty much the only resource I could find for this particular subject matter), if somebody was convicted of treason (it is a grave crime, ya know) they would be put in a federal penitentiary (or a high-security prison _if they're lucky_) and the probability of them being allowed conjugal visits is pretty much nil.

Also, it makes Tony suffer even more, thus is convenient for my story. eg

That said, I have tried to hint to _many_ people that a fic about a conjugal visit between Tony and Michelle would be deliciously angsty. I have a feeling that it would have to be quite graphic to be done properly, though, so you couldn't post it here…

Anyway. No conjugal visits in this fic, even if someone can prove to me that I'm wrong about Tony not being allowed them; it would mess up my plan for the whole fic (I'll just pretend that the law has been changed in the future because of terrorist threats or something… actually makes sense if you think about it). :D

Thank you all for reviewing!


	15. Ten Years, One Month

Chapter Fifteen: **Ten Years, One Month**

"Hi Daddy."

"Hey, Zoe," Tony said warmly.

He had spent that last month in a state of inner turmoil. He kept kicking himself for not seeing Michelle's decision coming, especially when he really thought about what he knew of her life for the past few years. As far as he could tell, she had done almost nothing for herself in a long time, instead focusing on Zoe's well-being and on the obligations she felt towards Tony's family, Danny and towards Tony himself. When he compared the Michelle from the last visit -- even the visit before that -- to the Michelle he had been so happily married to for two years before this whole nightmare had started he felt horrified that he hadn't noticed the change, the lack of smiled and laughter and passion. He felt so guilty for being the cause of it, but still so hurt and angry that she had just decided to abandon him, and then guilty again for reacting that way to the decision he _knew_ was the only one she could make…

And then a month had passed already and he was completely bewildered to find that Zoe was suddenly there to see him.

"How are you?" he asked his daughter.

"I'm good. Daddy, why doesn't Mommy want to visit you anymore?"

The question took Tony by surprise. "Didn't she explain it to you?"

Zoe shook her head. "She said I would understand when I was older."

He nodded. "She's probably right, sweetheart. It's… kinda difficult to explain."

"But… but it just seems so _mean_!" Zoe cried, obviously distressed at her mother's confusing behavior.

"Oh, Zoe… It would be mean of me to make her visit me. It just makes her sad, and I don't want her to be sad."

"Why does it make her sad? Why isn't she happy that she gets to see you? I always am."

"Because it just reminds her that we can't have all the things that other families have. Like the fact that I can't cook her dinner, or that I can't go to your dance recitals…"

"I don't do ballet anymore. I do ice skating."

"Yeah, see, if I wasn't in prison then I would know things like that," said Tony, trying to ignore the sting in his heart caused by his ignorance of these little details about his daughter's life.

Zoe looked up at him and sighed. "I wish they'd let you out."

Tony smiled. "Me too, sweetheart. Me too."


	16. Eleven Years, Seven Months

Chapter Sixteen: **Eleven Years, Seven Months**

"Hi Dad."

"Hey Zoe. How are you?"

"I'm good. I've started taking karate lessons!"

"Really? What's that like?"

"It's fun. The teacher showed us some really advanced moves and they looked really cool. I can't wait to be able to do that kind of stuff!"

Tony grinned. "Like you couldn't wait to be a pro at ballet, and ice skating, and swimming… before you suddenly decided to do something else instead," he teased her.

Zoe shook her head. "This is different. There's no way I could get bored with karate."

"Alright, then I'll make you a deal: You keep up the karate lessons for more than a year, and I will make sure that your Aunt Julie buys you something you really, really want."

Zoe didn't have to think about this at all. "Deal! Easy money!"

"Hey, I said I would ask her to _buy_ you something, not give you money…"

"Same difference." Zoe shrugged.

Tony laughed. "So, how's your mother?"

For some reason this made Zoe giggle.

"What?" Tony asked.

"You and Mom… whenever I visit you ask how she is, and right after she always asks how you are, and at the same time you both try to act like you couldn't care less… but you always ask. Last month you made it almost to the end of the visit before asking, I thought maybe you might not be going to, but then you did. _Always_. It's the weirdest thing ever."

"Well…" said Tony, who was honestly surprised to find that Michelle asked about him, "Adults are strange people sometimes."

"Yeah, they really are…" Zoe looked away.

"Is something wrong, sweetheart?"

"No, not really…"

"Zoe, you know you can tell me anything, right? Even -- no, _especially_ things you don't wanna tell your mom."

"It's just… this teacher I have at school. He's really mean."

"Why, what does he do that's mean?"

"Well, I'm really good at all the stuff he teaches, but whenever I make even a tiny mistake, he makes out that it's such a big deal. 'Specially since--" Zoe hesitated suddenly, but Tony nodded for her to continue. "Since he found out that you were in prison. And that it's for treason," she finished.

Tony shook his head, completely stupefied. He had never even thought of the influence his imprisonment might have on the way people treated his daughter. And if a _teacher_ was slighting her because of it, he could only imaging how other children must treat her…

And, once again, there was nothing he could do but feel guilty.

"Zoe, I'm so sorry, it's my fault you're being treated like--"

"Dad, that's not the point at all," she interrupted. "The point is, he's really mean to me for no reason, but it's not enough to get him fired so no one can do anything about it."

Tony looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Zoe. That really sucks."

"Yeah." Zoe sighed. "It really does."

**Author's Note:** Yay, more people have been leaving reviews! Thank you all, it makes me feel good :D

Yes, I do have a set plan for where this fic is heading – in fact I've already written most of the epilogue. I can't really write anything this long without a plan.

And, to lobsters34: I _can't_ let him out of jail early! L It would just ruin the whole point of what I'm trying to do with this fic. Sorry L


	17. Twelve Years, Five Months

Chapter Seventeen: **Twelve Years, Five Months**

"Happy birthday!"

His now twelve-year-old daughter grinned. "Thank you!"

"So," said Tony, "Did you do anything fun?"

_Did I bake you a cake? Did I smile proudly as you blew out the candles? Did I buy you something special? Did you thank me with a hug and that dazzling smile that's so much like your mother's? _

"Yeah, I had a slumber party. Grandma made me a cake and we went to Disneyland."

_Did you miss me?_

"And Oliver bought me a new computer."

"Who's Oliver?" asked Tony, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"He's… he's Mom's new boyfriend. She said I shouldn't tell you about him, but I didn't think that was… right."

"Uh-huh…" Tony's head was spinning with jealousy and guilt for feeling that jealousy and begrudging Michelle her chance of happiness, and it took him a moment to realize that Zoe was staring at him anxiously. "So, uh, what's he like?" he asked, attempting to be rational and accepting for her sake.

"He's nice." Zoe nodded reassuringly. "Like I said, he bought me a computer, and he paid for the trip to Disneyland. He's a journalist; he interviews famous movie stars and stuff all the time and he says if I'm lucky I might get to meet some of them."

Tony nodded. "He sounds like a good guy, I guess."

"He is. Mom's really happy with him. She smiles and laughs a lot more than she used to."

"I'm glad."

_Do you miss me?_

Tony felt tears sting the back of his eyes.

_Obviously not._


	18. Thirteen Years, Eight Months

Chapter Eighteen: **Thirteen Years, Eight Months**

"Who the hell are you and where is my daughter?"

There was a man sitting on the other side of the glass. Small round glasses, thinning blond hair, a large nose, digging his nails into his free hands nervously. "Hi, uh, I'm Oliver…"

Oliver.

_This_ was _Oliver_? _The _Oliver?!

Well, fine, this damp excuse for a man was Oliver, but he wouldn't have come unless it was something important… something bad…

"_Where_ is my _daughter_?!" Tony repeated, suddenly fearing the worst, but it couldn't be, she was the only thing that still gave his life meaning, no, no…

"She's, uh… she's in the hospital. She and Michelle were in an accident."

"No…" he said out loud, _no, no, no,_ repeated itself over and over in his head.

"No, no, she's fine! It was touch and go for a while, but… she's gonna be fine."

Tony suddenly realized that he'd been holding his breath and forced himself to breathe out. "Michelle?" he asked quietly, the tension in his body refusing to leave until he made absolutely sure that everything was alright.

"She'll be okay too." Oliver narrowed his eyes. "She just wanted someone to tell you in person. Said it's not the kind of thing you want to hear over the phone."

_Or maybe she just didn't want to be the one to talk to me._

He made himself nod. "Thank you."

"Zoe should be well enough to visit next month."

Another nod, this time because he didn't know what to say.

"Well," said Oliver, "I should be getting back to them."

_No, _I_ should, you arrogant bastard, they're _my_ family, _I_ should be there for them… then you wouldn't have to be here, and I can _tell_ that you think it's stupid and you're only doing it to humor them… better for everyone if I was there…_

"Yeah, uh… Tell Zoe that I love her."

"Sure." Oliver made to put down the phone, but Tony spoke again before he could.

"And tell Michelle… tell her I'm glad she's alright."

Oliver looked at him, nodded sharply, and walked out at a fast pace.

Tony was left to try to get the emotions threatening to overwhelm him under control as he was led back to his cell.


	19. Thirteen Years, Nine Months

Chapter Nineteen: **Thirteen Years, Nine Months**

"Hey Dad."

Zoe had her right arm in a sling, and there was a long gash on her forehead which hadn't quite healed. Tony suspected it had needed stitches.

And there was a look in her eyes that hadn't been there before, one which left him feeling slightly uneasy.

"Hey, Zoe. How are you?"

She shrugged lopsidedly. "I'm okay. Getting better, I guess."

"You wanna talk about it?"

She squeezed her eyes shut and sniffed. "Yes," she squeaked. "I try to talk to Mom, but Oliver says I shouldn't mention the accident because it'll upset her, or if I cry he asks me not to, and I can't get her alone because he hovers around her like there's some kind of rope joining them together, and all I want is for her to hug me and tell me it's alright, but--" a small sob escaped her and she shook her head viciously. "I was just so scared," she said, and immediately an image of Michelle leapt into Tony's mind.

_"I'm so tired, and I'm so scared…"_

And he had hugged her and held her tight and comforted her, and all Zoe wanted was a hug and that bastard Oliver was denying her that…

"Oh, Zoe…"

"I really thought I was gonna die, and then I thought Mom was gonna die, and now just because we didn't no one seems to care that we _could_ have…"

"Hey, _I_ care. I am absolutely certain that your mom cares. Heck, Oliver probably cares too, he just doesn't understand what you need from your mother right now…"

"I know, I just…"

_You just want a hug._

"Zoe, put your hand up against the glass," he said suddenly.

She looked up at him and furrowed her brow in confusion at this request, but slowly complied, balancing the phone against her shoulder so she could still hear him.

He pressed his palm flat against the glass directly opposite. "You see my hand? You see the distance between it and yours?"

"Uh-huh…" Zoe was still bewildered.

"Alright, I want you to imagine that distance getting smaller. It's not glass between us, it's just air… And now I'm reaching out and I'm holding your hand."

Zoe nodded, staring at the space between their hands, starting to understand.

"Can you feel my hand?" Tony asked. "Yours is small and delicate, but there's strength in your grip -- probably from all that karate."

"Yours is big and strong and the skin is kinda rough -- probably from lifting all those weights in the gym," she grinned.

Tony smiled. "Okay, now close you eyes. I'm gonna come over there and hug you, carefully, so I don't hurt your arm."

"No, it's all healed now," said Zoe, closing her eyes. "I'm just gonna throw my arms around you and hug you so hard you can't breathe."

He laughed. "Same here, then."

"I bet I'm stronger than you."

"Oh, you really think so, do you?"

"Yep. Now I have my head on your shoulder and your stubble is tickling my cheek."

Tony faked a gasp. "Oh no! I forgot to shave?"

Zoe giggled. "Yeah, I guess you did."

"I probably didn't have time because I spent too long in the shower trying to make sure I wouldn't stink."

"Well, you did a good job with the showering, then."

Tony took a moment to just gaze at her, hand up against the glass, head tilted to one side to hold the phone in place, a small smile on her face.

She was so perfect.

His silence prompted her to open her eyes and she caught him looking at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said with a smile. "Just thinking about how you're the best daughter ever."

This made her blush. "Thank you," she said, and looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before saying, "Thank you for everything."

"Hey…" Tony shrugged light-heartedly. "There are some good things you can learn in prison. One of those being how to make very good use of your imagination."

Zoe just smiled.

**Author's Note:** People keep saying "update soon"… sheesh, how much faster do you want me to go?! :P

Seriously, thanks for reviewing :)


	20. Fourteen Years

Chapter Twenty: **Fourteen Years**

"Hi Dad!"

"Hey, how was Christmas?"

"Not bad. Grandma hurt her back and had to stay in bed though, so I had to do all the cooking."

"_All_ the cooking?" asked Tony, astonished. "All by yourself?"

"Well, Mom tried to help, but she burned the potatoes so I told her it was better if I did it myself. I didn't even know you _could_ burn potatoes… Grandpa couldn't help because of the wheelchair, obviously, Aunt Julie spent Christmas with Uncle Martin's family, Oliver is as useless as Mom is in the kitchen… Uncle Joe chopped some carrots for me, but mainly he was busy with the twins; they were trying to feed cat food to the DVD player. So, I was in charge." Zoe grinned. "It was kinda cool, actually."

"Wait, Oliver can't cook either? Who does the cooking at home?"

Tony was honestly surprised. He had assumed that Oliver could and did cook, because… well, because Oliver was obviously his replacement, and Michelle had always appreciated his cooking so much…

Zoe shrugged. "Me, mostly. It's good, it means I never have to eat anything I don't like. Besides, if I didn't do it we'd all be really fat from eating TV dinners and take-outs all the time. I like to cook, anyway." She smiled again. "One of the first things Grandma asked Oliver was if he liked to cook. She and Grandpa don't like him very much. They always talk about you a lot when he's around, just to annoy him, I think… They only invited him over for Christmas because they didn't invite us until Mom had already asked him to spend the holidays with us. Still, it wasn't too bad."

Tony was quite relieved to hear this; he hadn't wanted to believe that his family would accept Michelle's new man as readily as it had appeared that they had. So, at least he wasn't stealing Tony's parents as well as his wife… _ex_-wife and his daughter.

He shook his head mentally and tried to keep his thoughts focused on Zoe, not on the pointless feelings of jealousy that somehow seemed to be growing instead of going away as time went by.

"That's good. So, did you get any good presents?"

"Grandma gave me the biggest cookbook you _ever_ saw," Zoe said excitedly. "It has recipes for _everything_. Lots of desserts!"

Tony smiled. "Sounds fun."

"I started planning the meal I'm gonna make you when you get out of prison."

"Zoe, sweetheart, that's not for another six years."

Although six years was a lot less than twenty, he had to admit…

"I know, but I need time to practice! It's gonna have five courses, at least, and each one of them has to be perfect," Zoe said enthusiastically.

"Thank you, Zoe, that's really sweet. I'll add it to my list of things to look forward to."

She looked at him curiously. "What else is on the list?"

"Well…" Tony smiled at her. "I get to hug you, properly. I get to eat whatever I want. I get to cook. I get to bake you a birthday cake -- or nineteen birthday cakes, one for every birthday I'll have missed."

"Aw, dad…" Zoe sniffed.

"I get to walk on grass, on sand, barefoot. I get to swim. I get to go to a Cubs game -- or a lot of Cubs games. I get to never, ever wear this particular shade of blue again!"

"You'll get to see Mom, too."

Tony suddenly wondered what Michelle looked like now. How many more gray hairs did she have, how many more wrinkles? Had the ever-present pain in her eyes finally gone away now that she had been without him in her life for four years?

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I will…"


	21. Fifteen Years, Four Months

Chapter Twenty-One: **Fifteen Years, Four Months**

"Hey, Zoe. How are you?"

Zoe shrugged. "Not bad."

"How's your mother?"

"Good, I think."

"And Oliver?" Tony made himself ask, as had become his custom.

She hesitated. "Dad, you don't have to ask about him just to be polite. I… I can tell how much it hurts you."

Tony blinked. "You… what?"

She could tell? She _knew_? But he had gone to such great lengths to hide his feelings about Oliver from her… after all, it wouldn't be fair on her to know how deeply he had come to dislike her surrogate father. She could _tell_? She wasn't even fifteen years old, she shouldn't have to know about any emotions that were so unpleasant…

"I'm not blind, Dad. You're jealous of him, but you feel guilty for feeling jealous, even though there's no reason to feel guilty. It's completely understandable. You still love Mom."

"I… Well… yes, I guess I do," he admitted.

Zoe paused, looking at him. "She still loves you, too," she said quietly.

Tony shook his head. "No, Zoe, you don't have to say that just to make me feel better."

"I'm not. She found your wedding album the other day, when we were cleaning the attic. She almost cried, I saw her. She said she'd hidden it up there when she decided not to visit you anymore." Zoe smiled. "Then she gave it to me."

"She…?" said Tony, unable to form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence.

"You look so handsome in the pictures, Dad, and Mom is so beautiful, and you both look so happy… it made me mad that you were in prison all over again."

"Zoe…"

"Tell me about your wedding," she said, cutting him off and gazing at him pleadingly. "Mom wouldn't."

Tony knitted his brow, still not able to process what she had just told him about Michelle. "Well… what do you want to know?"

Zoe grinned and bounced up and down slightly in excitement. "Everything! Beginning to end! Well, maybe not _right_ to the end, 'cause, wedding night… but everything else!"

"Everything, huh?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay…" Tony thought back to the morning of his wedding to Michelle and couldn't help but smile. "I woke up with a really bad hangover from drinking too much the night before, so I went downstairs and was teased by your Uncle Joe and pampered by my mother… and my dad just sat there with a big grin on his face."

Zoe grinned too. "So you were staying with Grandma and Grandpa?"

"Yeah, just for the night. Anyway, I ate breakfast and I really had to fight to keep it down because I was so nervous and excited. And then I got a call from work saying that they were really, really sorry but I had to come in right away."

"Oh no!" Zoe cried, wide-mouthed.

"Oh yeah. It got worse; they called your mother in too."

"Oh, I bet she wasn't happy…"

Tony shook his head. "Not at all happy. I arrived in the parking lot at the same time as her and she was upset because we weren't supposed to see each other before the wedding… she was worried that they would keep us at work for so long that we wouldn't make it to the church on time."

"But you did, right?"

"Eventually." He nodded. "After I'd been held at gunpoint, seen your mother be held at gunpoint _twice _and taken her to hospital after some psycho with a knife cut her arm open, helped to save the President's daughter's life and been pushed out of a helicopter, we got to the church ten minutes early and managed to get changed and cleaned up and not look too battered and bruised in our wedding pictures. Then we wisely decided not to take our cellphones with us on our honeymoon or leave a contact number at work, and the world didn't end without us and we had a wonderful week in Paris."

"Aw…" said Zoe, completely enraptured. "You guys had the worst job ever." She slowly shook her head.

"Only sometimes. Other times… well, it felt good to be helping keep people safe."

"But they put you in prison, Dad!"

"Zoe, they had to, what I did was against the law and could've cost millions of lives. Anyway, I have less than a quarter of my sentence to go now."

Zoe smiled. "It's gonna be so great when you get out. I found this great recipe for mango sorbet that I'm gonna make as part of the dessert for your meal."

"Still planning that, are you?" Tony asked, returning the smile, trying to remember what mangoes tasted like.

She grinned. "Oh yeah. It's gonna be the best meal ever!"

They looked at each other, imagining food and freedom.


	22. Sixteen Years, Three Months

Chapter Twenty-Two: **Sixteen Years, Three Months**

"Uh, I have news," Zoe told Tony, grimacing.

Tony looked at her, the expression on her face making him feel uneasy. "Bad news?"

She half-shrugged hesitantly. "Well, not _exactly_…It's… Look, I'm just gonna tell you, okay?"

Tony nodded and looked at her intently.

"Well, uh, I'm going on an exchange program in June. To Paris." She looked up at him. "For a year."

A year? A whole _year_ without seeing her? But… but she was his… how would he keep track of time if…?

"That's great, Zoe," he found himself saying, not completely convincingly.

"But I won't see you for a year, Dad, and what with… I… I'll write a lot, I promise, I almost decided not to go but Grandma convinced me that I should, and I really want to, but I don't want to… I don't want you to think I'm just abandoning you."

He shook his head quickly. "I don't think that."

Zoe fidgeted. "Yeah, but then there's the _other_ news…"

"There's more news?"

Zoe gritted her teeth and averted her eyes for a moment before exhaling sharply and looking back at Tony. "Mom and Oliver are getting married."

_Michelle, walking down the aisle with Oliver _not Tony_, Michelle standing there, looking so perfect in her wedding dress, smiling at Oliver _not Tony_, Michelle, exchanging her vows with Oliver _not Tony_, Michelle, drinking wine on her honeymoon with Oliver _not Tony_, Michelle, snuggling in front of the TV with Oliver _not Tony_, Michelle, growing old with that imbecile Oliver _**not Tony**_…_

"Oh…" he said.

"I'm sorry, Dad," Zoe said, cringing.

"No, no Zoe, don't be sorry, it's good, I'm happy for them…"

She shook her head. "That may be, but it's not the point…"

_Then what is the point?_

But he didn't ask, for fear of the answer making him cry in front of her.

**Author's Note:** To Joe's Girl: I had to laugh when I read your question and realized that this chapter was next… did it clarify things enough? ;)


	23. Sixteen Years, Six Months

Chapter Twenty-Three: **Sixteen Years, Six Months**

"…And I've sorted out all the clothes that I want to take, but there are still too many of them to fit in my suitcase, and I have to pack other stuff like books and photographs as well… Mom says it's not fair that I don't have any pictures of how you look now when all the ones I'm taking of her have her looking all old and wrinkled… I wanted to take your wedding album with me but it's really too big and heavy…"

"How is your mother?" Tony asked his babbling daughter, who was obviously very excited at the thought of living in Paris.

"She's okay… I think she's under a lot of pressure, what with organizing all the wedding stuff. She gets annoyed easily, especially when you mention that there's less than a month left to go. But I'm going to be a bridesmaid and we're going to buy her dress tomorrow!" Zoe grinned.

"So, how long after the wedding are you going to Paris?"

_How long does Oliver have to put up with you before he has Michelle to himself?_

"A few hours, actually! Mom and Oliver are going to Paris on their honeymoon, so they can be with me for the first week and help me get settled. We're taking the same flight."

"Huh. Sounds like it's gonna be quite a day."

"Yeah, it will be. Dad, I can't wait to go to Paris. Just think of all that food!"

"Yeah, the food in Paris is pretty good. But also pretty expensive, so don't go eating out every night!" He smiled and tried not to think about Michelle.

"Don't worry, I won't… I am gonna send you every postcard I can find, though!"

Tony laughed. "I'll look forward to it."

"See, now you have something to look forward to that isn't three and a half years away!"

"Zoe, I have something to look forward to every month."

His daughter's expression sobered; she knew he was talking about her visits. "Yeah, I know… Aunt Julie said she would visit next month, though. She's really looking forward to seeing you. And Grandma will come if her doctor doesn't think it's too far for her to travel."

Tony nodded.

"One minute!" one of the guards by the door shouted.

"Listen, Zoe, have fun in Paris and don't worry about me." He paused and looked at her. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dad. I'll see you in a year. The time will fly by, you'll see!"


	24. Sixteen Years, Seven Months

Chapter Twenty-Four: **Sixteen Years, Seven Months**

This was Julie?

Her hair was different. Her ear seemed… wrong, somehow. He could only see part of her face because she was looking in the other direction, but the shape of her cheekbone was… it reminded him of…

She turned to face him.

_Michelle_.

He had to keep himself from running the rest of the way to the glass window.

"Michelle?" he asked, grabbing the phone before he even sat down.

She had been crying, Tony saw now, and he suddenly felt his heart gripped with panic.

"Is it Zoe?" he asked frantically. "Is she alright?"

Michelle nodded slowly, looking at him as if stunned. "She's fine," she said hoarsely. "She called me a coupla hours ago to say she'd gotten to Paris safely."

"Then why...?"

Fresh tears spilled down Michelle's cheeks. "I couldn't do it, Tony... I couldn't marry someone who wasn't you."

Tony stared at her, completely astounded. "You...?"

"I was standing at the back of the church, and all I could think about was _our_ wedding... getting changed five minutes before and pulling my sleeve down to hide the bandage and how _happy_ I was despite all that... and I realized that I could never be quite that happy with Oliver and it was so _stupid_ of me to think I could be... I'm so sorry, Tony, I'm sorry I thought I had to leave you behind..." She broke off, sobbing.

"Hey... don't cry... please don't cry, Michelle, you have nothing to be sorry for... You were _right_ to try and move on, you know you were."

Michelle shook her head. "No... I was sitting on Zoe's bed all last night looking at our wedding pictures... I miss you so much, Tony, I kept having flashbacks of just... _moments_ of you being perfect."

Tony laughed, starting to get used to the fact that she was really here, that this was really real... "Perfect? _Me_?"

She smiled. "Yes, of course you. It's just little things, like the way you would look at me when you woke up in the morning, or how you would call my station when things were quiet just to say you loved me... Oliver never did anything like that."

"Then why were you going to marry him?"

"Because I thought that then maybe I could finally get over you properly, for good, and not keep having these moments every once in a while where I think about you and miss you and wonder if I shouldn't have waited for you, and if I really do love Oliver at all..." She let out a short laugh. "Didn't work, obviously."

"Well, I've gotta say... I'm kinda glad."

"Yeah." She contemplated him thoughtfully and then smiled that shy smile she always wore in his dreams. "Me too."


	25. Sixteen Years, Eight Months

Chapter Twenty-Five: **Sixteen Years, Eight Months**

"So how does Zoe feel about all this?"

Tony had gotten two postcards from her already, but they had been all about her and what she had been doing and he had gotten the distinct impression that she was deliberately not saying anything about him and Michelle.

Michelle shrugged. She was a lot calmer than she had been last month, and smiling, smiling because of him! He was still trying to get his head around it all, and was really finding it hard not to smile all the time.

"Actually I think the thing that upset her most was that I didn't fly out to Paris with her." Michelle said. "She's a teenager, she's a romantic at heart… she always saw Oliver as more of a temporary fix than anything else; wanted you and I to get back together in the end. She's ecstatic. She actually squealed over the phone."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she never liked Oliver that much anyway. They argued a lot. She just put up with him for… for my sake."

"She never told me that. She always said everything was fine."

"That doesn't surprise me. Zoe has this tendency to… not tell you little things that she thinks might upset you. She'll tell you the big ones, the ones you would be mad at her for not telling… but things like, if she's being picked on at school, or she's got a bruise the size of Africa down her leg from falling wrong at karate… those are things you really have to push for her to tell you."

"Yeah, I've noticed that she always seems to be very… very conscious of other people's feelings. You've done a good job raising her."

She smiled again. "Thanks. But you've had quite an influence on her yourself."

Tony returned the smile, shaking his head. "Yeah, right."

"No, really! She's always asking to hear stories about you… that got on Oliver's nerves after a while, so she stopped asking me very often, but your parents are always happy to oblige. You're Zoe's hero."

"You're serious?"

"Yes!" Michelle laughed and nodded. "A few years back she even wrote to the President asking him to release you. She was very disappointed when she didn't get a reply."

"Aw…" Tony sighed. "I miss her."

She nodded. "I know. Me too."

"Yeah, how are you coping, being all by yourself?"

"I'm not all by myself! I have you."

Tony looked at her skeptically. "Not really."

"Well, fine, but still… I dunno. It's not that bad, and it's like… like I'm finally one hundred percent sure that I'm doing the right thing, for the first time in years."

"One hundred percent?" Tony smiled.

Michelle smiled back. "One hundred and ten."


	26. Seventeen Years

Chapter Twenty-Six: **Seventeen Years**

"Hi," Michelle said with a small smile.

"Hey. How was your Christmas?"

"Lonely. Yours?"

Tony shrugged. "The same."

"Tony…" Michelle bit her lip. "There's something I need to tell you."

This perked Tony's curiosity; the last time she had said those words to him she had told him she was pregnant. That couldn't be what it was this time, though… so it had to be something bad.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

She looked away. "Your father… he died a few days ago."

His… his fath… "…What?" he asked again. It couldn't be true, Tony was getting out in just three years, surely his dad could've held on that much longer…

"He got a bad case of pneumonia just after Christmas, and he--" Michelle cleared her throat and tried again. "He passed away on Tuesday."

"Pneumonia? This is the twenty-first century, Michelle, people don't die from pneumonia anymore!"

"He was very old, Tony…" She looked at him sympathetically.

Tony exhaled loudly and shook his head. "I don't believe this."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks…" Tony sighed and made himself look up. "How's my mom?"

"She's doing okay, considering. She says she's glad he got to have one last Christmas."

__

Yeah, one last Christmas without me there, without Zoe there…

"Does Zoe know?"

"Yeah. I felt so bad having to tell her over the phone, but…" She sighed. "We can't afford to pay for her to fly back for the funeral at such short notice. She's pretty cut up about it."

"And I can't go either…"

"I know… Is there anything you want me to say at the funeral on your behalf? Zoe's sent me a whole speech."

"Uh… I dunno. Let me think about it. I'll call you."

"No, Tony, call your mother, it would really make her feel better. I'm gonna be with her most of the time anyway, helping to organize things… or if I'm not there you can leave a message with her. She'll appreciate it."

"Alright."

Then they tried to talk about happier things, but their mood remained too somber for this to give them much comfort.


	27. Seventeen Years, Seven Months

**Seventeen Years, Seven Months**

"Daddy!" Zoe squealed excitedly, bouncing up and down and jostling Michelle, though she clearly didn't mind this expression of her daughter's exuberance. 

"Zoe! How was Paris?" 

"Brilliant. Amazing. Great!" She bounced again and Tony couldn't help but grin. "Did you get my cards?" 

"All forty-seven of them. You must've spent a fortune on stamps." 

"Just about. So, didya miss me? Mom says she didn't, but I'm pretty sure she was kidding." 

Tony saw Michelle smile at this. "I miss you every day," he told Zoe. 

She beamed. "You only have two and a half years to go! Less than! That's, like, nothing!" 

He laughed. "Yeah, I guess so." 

"So guess what!" 

"Alright... when you were in Paris you joined the circus and are now secretly a world-famous clown." 

"No, not quite." Zoe grinned. "I've decided I wanna go to culinary school. If I get in, that is..." 

"Zoe, of course you'll get in." 

"Says the guy who's never eaten one bite of my cooking." 

"Well, all that will change in two years and five months." 

"By which time my culinary future will already have been decided." 

"_But_, I'll get to see you graduate from culinary school." 

"I know! It's gonna be so great and I should probably let Mom talk now... I guess I'm just not used to having to share anymore! And she still loves you and in a coupla years we'll finally all be like a proper family! It's so exciting!" And with one final bounce Zoe handed the phone to Michelle. 

"Hey," Michelle said, glancing at Zoe affectionately. 

"Hey, how are you? How's life now that you have a teenage daughter to worry about again?" 

"It's good!" She smiled. "Zoe's never really given me that much cause to worry." 

Tony saw Zoe nodding in agreement and grinned. "Yeah," he said. "I never figured she did."   



	28. Nineteen Years

**Nineteen Years**

"Merry Christmas!" said Zoe and Michelle simultaneously into the phone that Zoe held between them. 

"Merry Christmas! How was it?" 

"Zoe almost burned the house dow--" 

"That is not true, don't believe a word she says!" Zoe interrupted. "First off, that was before Christmas, and second, just because I accidentally set off the fire alarm doesn't automatically mean that I almost burned the house down." 

"You set off the fire alarm?" asked Tony. 

"Only a little..." 

"There were flames a foot high!" said Michelle. 

"Alright, how did you manage that?" Tony asked his daughter. 

"I was trying to make Canard A l'Orange and something went wrong... I'm not sure what it was, but I tried making it again a few days ago and it worked fine, so that's course three of your getting-out-of-jail meal all planned out." 

"Sounds good," he said. "If you manage not to, you know... set things alight." 

Zoe rolled her eyes. "I'm sure I will. Anyway, on actual Christmas Day me and Uncle Joe made a wonderful meal with no flames at all, while Grandma sat there watching us and laughing every time something went wrong and Mom got to deal with kids throwing tantrums." 

"Yeah, that was so much fun," said Michelle, slightly sarcastically. 

"It's just 'cause you refuse to cook," her daughter told her. 

"I can't cook! I'd be almost burning the place down on a daily basis!" 

"And yet you got so upset when I did it once." Zoe turned back to Tony. "Mothers are strange people." 

Tony laughed. "You two are incredible. In every sense of the word." 

"Thank you." Michelle smiled. 

"So," said Zoe, "Only one year to go! Only one more Christmas without you!" 

"Ah, but are you sure you'll really want me there at Christmas? I might just try to take over the kitchen..." 

"I really don't think I'll mind, especially if your cooking is as wonderful as Mom says it is." 

"Well, compared to her cooking, 'wonderful' isn't really that hard to do..." 

"True!" said Zoe. 

"Hey!" said Michelle. 

"Kidding," said Tony. 

"But it's funny 'cause it's true..." said Zoe, and the three of them laughed happily.   



	29. Nineteen Years, Ten Months

**Nineteen Years, Ten Months**

It was Wednesday. 

It was Wednesday and they always came on a Saturday. 

The nagging feeling in Tony's gut increased with every step, and solidified into real worry when he saw that Zoe was sitting on the other side of the glass alone, rubbing her eye. 

Something was wrong. 

"Dad!" Zoe cried the moment he had put the phone to his ear. 

"Zoe, sweetheart, what's wrong?" 

"Mom... Mom's gone missing." 

"Missing?" The worry turned into full-blown panic. "Missing how?" 

"I got home yesterday and she wasn't there, and the living room was trashed and there was bl-- blood on the carpet..." Zoe sobbed. 

_No..._

"Did you call the police?" 

"Yeah." She nodded. "They said that they would do everything they could to find her, but I've watched enough TV to know they're more likely to find her dead than alive..." 

"Zoe, you mustn't think like that." _Even though it's true..._ "You know your mom, she's strong, she's resourceful... she wouldn't just let someone kill her. She's probably fought them off and is on her way to a phone right now to let you know she's alright." 

"Or they caught her by surprise and her body's in some ditch somewhere." 

"Zoe..." _Except she's right..._

"What am I supposed to _do_, Dad?" 

Words of advice gleaned from years of dealing with kidnappings and hostage situations at CTU sprang to mind, but Tony knew that they had never given much comfort to anyone. Deciding on a different response, he put his hand up against the glass. "Give me a hug." 

Zoe breathed deeply, visibly trying to calm herself down, put her hand opposite his and closed her eyes. 

"Can you feel how tightly I'm holding you? It's gonna be alright, Zoe." Tony squeezed his own eyes shut as he finally allowed the tears to spill from them. "It's all gonna be alright..."   



	30. Nineteen Years, Eleven Months

**Nineteen Years, Eleven Months**

"Hey," Tony said softly, "Any news?" 

Zoe shook her head. "Nothing. The police say that the chances for her still being alive are very low." 

Tony put his head in his hand. "Oh God..." 

"It's not _fair..._ I was so looking forward to the three of us being a proper family, and then we were _just _about to get you back they just had to take _her_ away... Why do bad things like this keep happening to us? Why can't they happen to someone else for a change?" 

"I don't know, Zoe..." 

"And why can't they just let you out of prison _one month_ early so I can at least have _you_? One month out of twenty years, that's nothing!" 

"It doesn't work like that, Zoe, you know that. I'll be out soon, and the absolute _first_ thing I am going to do is to hug you as hard as I can. Just hang on a little longer, alright?" 

"Alright... It's just, I feel so alone. I mean, Grandma calls to make sure I'm okay and that I'm going to school and stuff, and Aunt Julie stops by and she's even paying the rent for me... but I just want Mom." 

"I know, sweetheart, I know you do... Just remember that however small the chances are for her being alright, there _is_ still a chance. We could still get her back at any time." 

"It's not very likely, though, is it?" 

"That's not the point. The point is that it is _not_ impossible." 

_Even though I've pretty much accepted that she's not coming back, because since when do miracles happen for me?_

Zoe nodded slowly. "I guess... but it's almost Christmas time, Dad! I can't celebrate Christmas without Mom! Christmas is supposed to be happy, and all it's gonna be now is painful." She was getting very close to tears. 

"Listen, Zoe, I know it'll be hard, but you have to try. Your mom wouldn't want you to have a bad Christmas, no matter what happened to her." 

"But I keep thinking about all the things that _could've_ happened to her, and I keep having these dreams where she's about to die and I can't save her..." 

_I've been having those dreams for the last twenty years... but then I always woke up knowing that she was alright..._

"I know, me too... we just have to believe that they'll go away with time." 

"Just like the likelihood that she's alive." 

_...which is pretty much nil already._

Tony shook his head. "No. That may get smaller, but it'll never go away. You could wake up one day when you're married with two kids and she'll be there on your doorstep." 

"I don't think so, Dad..." 

"Well, I do. And I will be there on your doorstep in one month, and I will do my very best to find out what happened to her. And we still have a visit a few days before that as well, if you want." 

Zoe sighed, but nodded and gave him a small smile. "Dad," she said after a moment, "Tell me a story about her?" 

Tony smiled too. "Which one do you want me to tell? The first meeting? The proposal? The wedding? The chocolate-covered briefcase?" 

"Tell me one you haven't told me before." 

"Alright..." Tony thought for a moment, trying to recall what he hadn't told her and what might make her feel better. Make them both feel better. 

"Well..." he said... And then he remembered something that always made him smile. "It was your mom's birthday, her first birthday since we'd started dating, and I'd bought her some really great presents and lots and lots of chocolate, and we were gonna go home and have a romantic evening of me pampering her as much as I possibly could... and then I had to work late. She decided to stay and wait for me, so she sat in my office eating her chocolates and reading a month-old magazine she'd found at somebody's desk. Eventually she made me take a break and we had take-out pizza and coffee instead of the romantic meal I had planned. And then I asked her if she was having second thoughts about getting involved with the boss, and she just smiled that dazzling smile of hers and said, 'Not for a second.'" 

"Aw..." Zoe smiled. "Mom's so cute when she's happy." 

"Yeah," said Tony. "Yeah, she is." 


	31. Nineteen Years, 11 Months,3 Weeks,6 Days

**Nineteen Years, Three Weeks, Six Days**

"Mom's okay!" 

Tony almost choked in disbelief. "What?" 

"I got a call from the hospital last night to say that she was there, so I practically ran there to see her, and she's okay!" Zoe's face was lit up like Tony had never seen it before. "I mean, she's a little beat up and she has to stay in hospital for a few days, but the doctors say she'll make a full recovery, and after I really thought she wasn't coming back... it's like a miracle." 

"Oh my God..." said Tony. He mentally tried to form a more coherent sentence, but failed miserably. "Oh my God!" he said again instead, shaking his head and smiling like a madman, not bothering to fight the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Zoe grinned widely at his reaction. "I know!" 

"What, what happened, where was she? How did she get to the hospital?" 

"She was in the basement of some house, she says she escaped." 

_"I got away from Saunders..."_ Remembering that day, Tony couldn't help but grin. "Yeah," he said. "She's good at that." 

"Okay, I'm gonna ask you what you mean by that some other time... I'm just so happy and relieved, and Dad, you're coming home in less than a week! Everything's finally going right!" 

_Home..._

That word hadn't held much meaning for Tony in a long time, and now... now he was about to have a wife (well, as good as) and a place to live again, and he was going to have a daughter, properly, not just have a window into her life from time to time, and he wondered how long it would take for it to not feel like a dream. 

"Yeah," Tony said, and his smile was almost wider than his daughter's. "It really is, isn't it?"   



	32. Nineteen Years, 11 Months,4 Weeks,3 Days

**Nineteen Years, Four Weeks, Three Days**

"Michelle...?" 

"Hey." Michelle smiled. 

"What are you doing here? You do know that I'm getting out tomorrow, right?" 

"I know, I just... I wanted to see you as soon as I could. I would've come yesterday when they released me from hospital but visiting hours were already over." 

"But I've already had my visit for this month, how did you get them to let you see me?" 

"I explained what had happened and got all angry and weepy. They said I could have five minutes." 

"Alright, look... how are you?" 

"I'm... I'm okay. I wasn't really treated that badly." 

"Not treated that badly?! Michelle, Zoe said you had internal bleeding." 

"I know, but that was just from when he was trying to stop me escaping. The rest of the time... well, I had an exercise bike and he even let me watch TV sometimes." 

"Have the police caught up with this guy? Do they know who he is?" 

"Yeah..." Michelle sighed. "Tony, it was Oliver." 

Anger swelled up inside him almost instantaneously. "_Oliver?!_ I should've known... Dammit, I should've guessed, we could've gotten you out of there!" 

She shook her head. "Tony, it doesn't matter, it's over now..." 

"Why did he do it? What did he think gave him the right to hold you captive like that?" 

Michelle sighed again. "He didn't take it well when I... when I left him at the altar. He developed a lot of psychological problems and when he realized that you would be out of prison soon he just... he decided that you couldn't have me." 

"That bastard..." 

"Tony... he bumped into Zoe a few months ago. The police think that's what gave him the final push that he needed to do what he did. And she never told us that she'd seen him, because... because she's Zoe, and she didn't want to upset us by reminding us that he even existed." 

"Oh no..." He could only imagine how Zoe must be kicking herself now, for something she couldn't have had any idea would happen 

"I know... she feels so bad, and I can't seem to convince her that it wasn't her fault and that it wouldn't have made a difference even if she had told us. She won't even talk about it anymore, she's just focusing all her energy on getting things ready for when you come home tomorrow. Tony, you have to make her see that she's not to blame, she won't listen to me." 

"Alright." Tony nodded. "I'll talk to her. It'll be fine, she probably just needs some time to process everything." 

"Thank you." 

Michelle looked off to the side. Following her gaze, Tony saw that the guard was gesturing at her. 

"I have to go," she said. 

Tony nodded. 

She looked at him for a moment. "Tony?" 

"Yeah?" 

She smiled. "See you tomorrow." 

**Author's note:** Yep, Joe's girl was right! Well done :) 

Only the epilogue to go now. 


	33. Epilogue

**20 years**

Tony unconsciously fiddles with the wedding band he has just now put back on as the door slowly falls shut behind him. 

They are there, waiting for him, Michelle standing silently and motionlessly, Zoe bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

He makes his way towards them and she jumps up and down, gradually slowing as he gets closer and they see each other in sharper and sharper focus. 

"Dad," she says finally, and her voice is breaking, and she runs across the last few feet of dirty concrete between them and throws her arms around his neck. 

And now he's hugging her, holding his daughter in his arms for the first time after having imagined it every day since that first visit from Michelle, and she is real and warm and hugging him back, sniffing. 

After a moment his eyes focus on Michelle, standing a few steps behind them, mouth open and looking at him with an emotion he can't quite read. 

Zoe somehow senses this and steps back from him, a broad smile on her tear-streaked face. She looks at Michelle and back to him and says "I'll go get the car." 

Tony nods and turns back to Michelle as Zoe walks away, and he reminds himself that she will be back, not in a month, but in a few minutes, and then he will see her, not just for an hour, but for many hours, one after the other, and he can finally make her that birthday cake he's been wanting to make for the last twenty years, and he can eat that meal she's been looking forward to cooking him for so long, and watch her in her next karate competition, and he will see her graduate from culinary school and marry and have kids and everything will be alright despite all the bad things that have happened to them. 

Michelle takes a step forward, hesitantly, and Tony stands there, watching, not quite believing that he is finally going to be allowed to touch her again. She takes more steps, and still Tony is rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but anticipate the moment when the gap between them will finally be closed, now that the glass barrier has melted away as if it were just ice on a hot summer's day. 

She is standing in front of him now, and they look at each other silently, and she slowly raises her arms. 

And suddenly he can move again, and he takes a step forward and she is there, in his arms, her chin on his shoulder, her hands on his back, his on hers. 

She feels thinner, frailer than he remembers. Her dark curls are now streaked with gray, he sees out of the corner of his eye as if noticing for the first time, but she is still Michelle, _his_ Michelle, and he holds her tight, unable, _unwilling_ to think of anything else. 

Michelle tightens her grip. 

A small gasp escapes her mouth as he tangles a finger in her hair. 

"Tony," she whispers, and he is home. 

**The End**

**Author's note: **Joe's girl, I didn't mean that it was a bad thing that you guessed what had happened! On the contrary, it's good because it means that the whole thing is actually plausible! :) 

Liz Moore, I really appreciate the review but I removed it because it contained spoilers for season 4, which some people (including myself) are trying to avoid. Glad you liked the story, though! 


End file.
